Guide to Rude Gestures

I was chuckling at this article about rude French signs. If you happen to be in Paris and want to express your displeasure at the French, do any of this :

1. The Gallic shrug – You stick out your lower lip, raise your eyebrows and shoulders simultaneously and emit a nonchalant “Bof”.

2. Le Camembert – used to tell somebody to shut up. You hold your hand in front of you in the shape of an L, and then slowly bring thumbs and forefingers together, as if gently clasping a small slice of soft cheese. A blank face — signifying vast indifference — completes this traditional French pose.

3. Les Boules or The Balls – The gesture involves “holding an imaginary set of tennis balls — one in each hand” in front of your chest and twisting your face into a look of utter frustration.

4. La Moue or The Pout – Start by looking bored, then pucker your lips before shaking your head slowly for more impact.

5. The Répète – It involves cupping your hand over your ear, so feigning deafness. Scowl at the same time to express displeasure. But if you’re so fed up you want to make a rapid exit, hold a hand out vertically, move it up and down and tap the top of your wrist with your other hand.

Believe it or not, these rude gestures are included in a guidebook called C’est So Paris, produced by the Ile-de-France regional committee of tourism.

It lists the gestures under the colloquial title “Cop the Parisian Attitude” aimed at British tourists to Paris.They are specially designed for British visitors who have traditionally been made to feel uncomfortable by rude waiters, couldn’t-care-less taxi drivers or sulky beauties sitting outside cafés on the Champs-Elysées.

If some bright spark were to suggest that our Tourism Ministry compile a list of rude gestures to woo tourists for the Visit Malaysia Year 2007, he will surely be shipped off to Greenland and cold-storaged.

“What! Are you crazy? We’re trying to attract tourists, not put them off! You want them to run off to Thailand, is it? Thailand is the Land of Smiles, you want us to be known as Land of Frowns, ah? Gila!”

But just for fun, do we have a national code of rude gestures? Forget about the middle finger – that’s so vulgar. How about these:

1. The Flick – Flick your hand upwards quickly as if you’re telling someone to get lost. Very useful for venting frustration at other motorists who cut queue.

2. The Psycho – Lift an index finger to your head and draw imaginary circles in the air.

3. The Spit – Spit out your displeasure but not on the person who has offended you. On the floor-lah.

I don’t think we can beat the French when it comes to rude gestures.

P/S : If you’d like to add on to the list, by all means but no foul language, please.