Fat and firm

No. 3 is heavier than me. He is stout for his age. I’m waiting for his height to shoot up so that the weight will be distributed more evenly and he won’t look so fat. According to him, being fat has its advantages. He told me this story recently.

Today the teachers were all in a meeting and we had to take care of the classes. (He’s a prefect.) There was this boy who was so naughty. He run here and run there and refused to go back to class. So we all chased him. Some go this way, some run that way and we surrounded him. Then he tried to do his kung fu on me. He grabbed me and tried to throw me over his shoulders but he can’t. Haha, that’s the good thing about being fat.

By the way, Amir Muhammad wrote a nice review of Do You Wear Suspenders? in his Pulp Friction column in yesterday’s Malay Mail. Go check it out here.

MOE contest

I hope you have a copy of 23 April’s Star. There’s a contest where you could win a copy of Do You Wear Suspenders? The wordy tales of Eh Poh Nim. Send in your entry quickly. Closing date is 8 May 2009.

Note : The graphics of the book cover has been doctored : the book is not as thick as is depicted here.

Message to centipedes

The dishrag was lying on the floor. I picked it up and a centipede dropped out from it. I screamed and flung the rag away from me. It landed on the floor rug. I retrieved the dishrag gingerly, and using a broom, I flicked the floor rug away. The centipede was wriggling underneath it. I whacked it twice. My broom broke. Though the blows landed smack on the centipede, there was still some life in it. It continued to writhe around. I swept it up with the broken broom. Then I flushed it down the toilet.

Sorry, centipede. I wouldn’t have killed you if you had stayed outside in your territory. And I broke my very good broom – I’ve had it for such a long time, yet the synthetic bristles are still intact. It cost me RM9! (The price tag was still stuck on the broom). Don’t you know times are bad for us humans. Please communicate via telepathy to your living brethren. Ask them to stay outside in my garden and don’t encroach into my kitchen. Then I don’t have to buy replacement brooms and they get to live.

Curse of the tongue

Conversation at the dinner table :

No. 1 : Did you eat two pieces of kuih?

No. 3 : No, I only eat one piece. How dare you curse me!

Me thinking : Huh? What curse? We don’t curse around here.

No. 2 : Haha, that’s not curse. That’s accused, dong-dong!

Witty Words

I received this in the email from Kathy. The word play is pretty clever and witty.  If anyone knows who wrote this, please let me know so I can credit the author accordingly.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi..

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class
because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a
little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One
hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then
it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said:
‘Keep off the Grass.’

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a
hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle,
he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is
now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don’t join dangerous cults:
Practice safe sects!